|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
Lousey! Special
A horrifying truth has become apparent today; one of the most sickening developments since I ran out of toothpaste yesterday. Mr. Stannard, head of iMacs, has publicly revealed that the school is about to break down like a Conservative election bid.
“We actually removed some bricks from the Water Tower to use in the new boarding houses… perhaps they shouldn't have been taken from the bottom!” he joked. “And now it's falling down! And this isn't the only thing we should be terrified about - the chapel roof is leaking too! Just imagine it… a big drip falling on Mr. Grisly's head during the choral anthem! Well, he always was a bit of a drip if you ask me! Ooh, this is terribly exciting!”
And the list went on. “The central heating system is on its knees… the tube is collapsing… and, worst of all, my awful photo filter effects aren't working! Where does this nightmare end?!"
Dr. Connors walked in with a bottle of champagne. “Falling down? Oh yes… terrible, terrible. But on a more sour note, all these catastrophes eventually add up to one simple consequence; all these maintenances will sadly eat into our income, and many of our staff (motions towards an awestruck Stannard, and then the cleaning lady, and then everyone else in the room, including the Headmaster) will have to hold their hands up and bear the brunt of it by being docked a good chunk of their wages. I will do my bit by personally overseeing these transactions.”
We have just received reports that the Water Tower has fallen down! Our reporter, who is live at the scene, gave this statement: “I think it might have fallen down… I'm just waiting for confirmation. It doesn't look like it from where I'm standing, and I'm actually only a few metres away from it. I think someone might be pulling our leg on this one… back to you.”
Other reports might suggest that it hasn't fallen down.
HAS THE WATER TOWER FALLEN DOWN? HAVE YOUR SAY!
Write to us at:
AAAAARGH I'M DEAD!!!!
Stuck underneath some rubble
Christ's Hospital
Horsham
West Sussex